Your Economic Stimulus Payment

on May 19 in Uncategorized by Don Silver

Dear Taxpayer,

You are entitled to an economic stimulus payment of $600.00 as provided by the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008. You can expect your payment shortly. If you do not receive it within six weeks, please contact us at the number below.

We are very happy to provide this little nudge. It is necessary, from time to time, to do this to keep our economy going great guns, even after the big tax cuts we passed a few years ago. (Imagine how bad the recession would be if we hadn’t done that!).

Also, please note technically — this is not actually our money. We are borrowing it from private investors (some of the same nice people we gave the tax cuts to) and people in other countries. Also, the younger you are, the more interest you and your fellow Americans will be responsible for repaying over the years, unless someone forgives the debt or we contrive some other reason to stiff them.

Here’s how it works: the company that receives your money it will find it so stimulating (hence the name), they will use their profits to give their employees raises, which will give Americans more money to spend on gas and other things, making it feel less like a recession. If you don’t understand all the details, don’t worry.

Your job is easy. Just go out out and spend it as if you just got an unexpected gift from a relative you never knew you had. Take a hot air balloon ride. Put up a picket fence. Get that Oscar de la Renta blouse you saw Cameron Diaz wearing on Oprah! (Please note: your Federal government does not recommend specific companies or products; however, naturally, we would prefer that you spend your economic stimulus payment for something legal that generates a little tax for our states).

If you have any questions, please visit the IRS website at www.irs.gov or call 1-866-234=2942.

Enjoy!!!! (smiley face)