Rove Wins McCarthy Award

on Oct 16 in News by Don Silver

Oct. 16, 2005. Washington, D.C. In a lavish ceremony at the Ritz Carlton last night, Karl Rove was awarded the Joseph McCarthy Prize for Patriotism, easily defeating nominees Louis Farrakhan and Tom DeLay. Mr. Rove, grinning from ear to ear, joined prior winners, including George Wallace, Barry Goldwater and Richard M. Nixon.

In accepting his award, Rove thanked “Osama bin Laden and the American people, for being so receptive to his message these past bunch of years.”

Vice President Dick Cheney introduced Mr. Rove from cable hookup in his bunker. “Despite these silly investigations into Valerie Plame, and her candy-ass husband, Joseph Wilson, the President and I are happy folks are recognizing the Turd Blossom’s achievements: casting doubt on former Texas Governor and long-suspected lesbian, Ann Richards, questioning John McCain’s fitness to lead in 2000, doubting Senator John Kerry and his performance on the Swift Boat, and most recently, Cindy Sheehan’s probable lesbian leanings.”

Rick Santorum from Pennsylvania echoed the Vice President’s remarks. “Karl has shown us how the gay and lesbian threat can be exploited with regard to almost every issue.”

“It gets a rise out of the American people every time!” Tom Delay added, in a gesture of good sportsmanship. Mr. DeLay had been considered a front-runner for the award, especially after his blistering attacks on federal prosecutor, Ronnie Earle.

The Joseph McCarthy prize, named after the enthusiastic and secretive Senator in the 1950’s who single-handedly smeared politicians, actors, writers, folk singers and hundreds of ordinary Americans with the stain of communism, consists of a large cash gift, favors for family members, tax breaks for corporations in which the winner is a shareholder and a subscription to the Star Ledger, including one hundred secrets about Democrats running for Congress.

“I’m just happy to be able to quietly go about doing my work,” Mr. Rove said, when asked how he feels. “But I won’t rest until those homos at the Center for Disease Control stop fooling around with oversexed primates and find a cure for the Avian flu.”