Three Donalds

on Mar 21 in News by


Dear Donald,

Congratulations on the birth of your new son, Barron William! Many people are very happy for you and Melania, especially those of us who live near New York City and the Jersey Shore, as this may expand the list of names of buildings that may someday dot the horizon.

As a fellow bald guy named Donald who had a son at midlife, I would like to offer you a few insights and possibly a little constructive criticism in response to your widely publicized comment the radio the other day.

To Don Imus, you said: “I continue to stay young, right? I produce children, I stay young.”

Donald, buddy, I believe the scientists are unanimous on this one. There is no link between a man’s age and his fertility. I don’t know what Imus told you, but men can (and do) impregnate women up to and including when they’re senile. I’m not suggesting you are gauzy in the head (I actually like your combover), just that you should step back on this one.

Not to take away any of your joy in bringing a new life into the world, I’m just saying siring a child is not a symbol of youth. Lots of guys have kids. Young ones, old ones, smart ones, dumb ones, rich ones, and yes, even poor unsuccessful shlubs.

If you’ll pardon me being a little preachy here, having a child is less an achievement than an invitation for the grown-up part of the parent, especially men, to look inside that little bundle of poop and joy and see the baby’s vitality — his little genius, his extraordinary nature. For the first 10,000 years of human experience anyway, it was the signal for the parent to start stepping aside and letting the young person take the stage.

I’ll let you get back to your work, pasting your picture on the sides of busses and building those tall buildings that you name after yourself. I just wanted to point out the difference between being childish and being young.

Best of luck to you, Melania and especially, the little robber Barron. (wink)


Comments are closed.