Yoga Rage

on Feb 23 in Flotsum & Jetsam by Administrator

With millions of baby boomers no longer fitting into jogging suits, the trend toward alternative exercise programs that facilitate integration of body and spirit in a naturally relaxing setting is growing. At the very top of the list is yoga.

It’s no surprise that industry gurus are reporting several surprising developments. For one, sales of outfits, mats and music to stretch by, have produced an economic boom for industries that had, until now, been in the doldrums.

But a darker, more sinister consequence is also becoming evident. Yoga practitioners are increasingly agitated and anxious about getting into popular classes with hot instructors. Especially in cities, health club patrons have been injured, some seriously, as a result of experts have called yoga rage.

Last month, a Connecticut woman in the Virabhadrasana, or Warrior I, brought her closed fist down across the skull of another woman exiting Kurmasana, or Tortoise, for holding the pose too long. In Long Island, a seventy year old man urinated on his ex-wife as she stood, eyes closed, in the Tree Pose (Vrksasana).

“It’s not surprising,” says former Spa Owner Ravi Schoenbaum. “You get 145 people jam-packed into a tiny room, stretching and farting in each others faces. I had so many incidents in my last year of operation, I had to hire security guards.”

“We don’t like to use the good and bad label,” said Cirrus O’Neill, from behind the reservation counter of her Malibu club, “but we had one young woman threaten to gouge out the eyes of a friend unless she kept her Swedish nanny from attending her husband’s Ashtanga class.

The American Medical Association is warning that yoga may cause migraine headaches, high blood pressure, even stroke, and the American Bar Association, is encouraging practitioners who feel enraged to seek legal remedies.