Having just returned from South Florida, where my dear mother, age 74, passed away, I feel compelled to organize my thoughts in pointers that could help others:

1. Avoid dying on or near your son’s or daughter’s birthday. Although it removes the chance your demise will be forgotten and could be seen as an indelible reminder of his or her special day, it’s also awkward and creepy.

2.  Avoid hospitals.  There are many reasons for this, including bad lighting and depressing decor.  Along with a pin in her hip, my mother received one of those nasty infections, which killed her.

3.  If you have to be in a hospital and have a living will, consider having it embossed on your forehead.  Why?  Doctors are generally not curious people and are ethically bound to order expensive procedures even when there is little or no hope. Although our mother  was very clear about this until she could no longer talk AND there was a Do Not Resuscitate order in her file, my sister and I found it necessary to remind the hospital staff nearly a half dozen times over a period of four hours that no, our mother did not want to be resuscitated.

4. If you’re self-conscious and don’t particularly enjoy socializing, take the time to call reception and trim your guest list before you lose the ability to speak.  As you begin your descent, a few random people will want to come to the hospital just to see what you look like.

5. Straighten up a little at home.  This is just common decency.  Whatever messes you leave behind, your favorite people are going to have to clean up.  (Our mom was actually very good about this.)

6. Morbid as it seems, arrange your ride ahead of time. In our moment of need, out of the yellow pages handed to us by the nurse in ICU, we selected a funeral home headed by a heavyset cross-eyed fellow who, between obsequious lamentations, demanded payment in full in advance (you’d be surprised, he told us, how many people leave mom or dad to avoid paying their bills) while referring repeatedly to our mother without a pronoun.