Family Trip

I’m walking beside them in Pompeii.
We’re tourists of course.  I’m thirteen,
freshly disappointed, big lips, blue
blazer, man’s trench coat, pair of
beginner balls dangling.
Every so often, kneeling to touch
the ground, I pick something up –
keys, coins, a ticket to the locker
where my mother keeps her superstitions.
What’re these? I say, laughing, stuffing
things in my pockets. Think of them as melodies
or instructions for later, my dad says.
I look up. Are you what I’m going to be
like in forty years? And why did the children
get covered in lava before
they had a chance to fully form?

So I figure taking pictures is the best way
to play it, capturing all without yielding.
Using bar mitzvah money, I buy
a Nikkormatt duty-free at the airport,
an inspired act, my dad says, looking
at the price. My plan is to dismiss them
entirely, make fun of their stupid hopes,
their bickering and their loving glances
and pay attention only to what interests me.
The rest, saved on film, I’ll bring back
and evaluate with my friends, stoned,
listening to Crosby, Stills and Nash.
Surely we’ll know what’s important
to carry around for the rest of our lives.

Now that they’re gone, I pull the pictures
and see something completely different.
Instead of my pretty mother posing in front
of the Eifel Tower, I see her crumbled face
when the pantomime was over, looking
straight into the camera and giving up.
The man with the tightest grip, the human
currency converter, the one who read
every guidebook at Brad Allen, dry heaving,
asks me what his best play is now.
But the hardest thing to get my arms around
is the skeptical little boy behind the lens
and how (not so much in little ways)
he became them and they became me.

How Not to Die

Having just returned from South Florida, where my dear mother, age 74, passed away, I feel compelled to organize my thoughts in pointers that could help others:

1. Avoid dying on or near your son’s or daughter’s birthday. Although it removes the chance your demise will be forgotten and could be seen as an indelible reminder of his or her special day, it’s also awkward and creepy.

2.  Avoid hospitals.  There are many reasons for this, including bad lighting and depressing decor.  Along with a pin in her hip, my mother received one of those nasty infections, which killed her.

3.  If you have to be in a hospital and have a living will, consider having it embossed on your forehead.  Why?  Doctors are generally not curious people and are ethically bound to order expensive procedures even when there is little or no hope. Although our mother  was very clear about this until she could no longer talk AND there was a Do Not Resuscitate order in her file, my sister and I found it necessary to remind the hospital staff nearly a half dozen times over a period of four hours that no, our mother did not want to be resuscitated.

4. If you’re self-conscious and don’t particularly enjoy socializing, take the time to call reception and trim your guest list before you lose the ability to speak.  As you begin your descent, a few random people will want to come to the hospital just to see what you look like.

5. Straighten up a little at home.  This is just common decency.  Whatever messes you leave behind, your favorite people are going to have to clean up.  (Our mom was actually very good about this.)

6. Morbid as it seems, arrange your ride ahead of time. In our moment of need, out of the yellow pages handed to us by the nurse in ICU, we selected a funeral home headed by a heavyset cross-eyed fellow who, between obsequious lamentations, demanded payment in full in advance (you’d be surprised, he told us, how many people leave mom or dad to avoid paying their bills) while referring repeatedly to our mother without a pronoun.

<object width=”425″ height=”344″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/08Za4YBGKLU&hl=en&fs=1″></param><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”></param><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always”></param><embed src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/08Za4YBGKLU&hl=en&fs=1″ type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” allowscriptaccess=”always” allowfullscreen=”true” width=”425″ height=”344″></embed></object>

Once a Niche Industry, Consciencing Hits its Stride

Troubled man before outsourcing his conscience

Silicon Valley, CA.  In late 2008, Joey Jolson, a serial entrepreneur put up a small, mirrored building in the desert.  Initially, he intended to manufacture toilets that used intense heat to destroy solid waste, but as residential construction fell off, Jolson had another idea.

“I was looking around at all the foreclosures and financial institutions that were going belly up and thought ‘Hey, why not create a place for people who are too busy to worry about the implications of their actions.’

Jolson, a lean suntanned man who favors aviator glasses spoke from his 10,000 square foot home in Vegas.  I had this building but no idea what to put inside.  No walls, no furniture, no heating or cooling. Nothing.”   Unconstrained by conventional thinking, the entrepreneur decided to take an ad in the Wall Street Journal offering space for peoples’ consciences.

“At first, we had a lot of cheating spouses, a few petty criminals and a bunch of Hummer owners from Southern California.  They were like “Hey, could you guys deal with this for us?  Then we started from hearing from the guys at Goldman Sachs, a few of Bush’s former staffers, and Bernie Madoff’s lawyers and we realized we had to change the model.”

“Some of that shit was corrosive,” said warehouse manager, Manny Olson.  ”The truck pulled up and you had to put on a Hazmat suit.”

But turning down customers has created some stiff competition.

“Ever since the Beatles came to India to dry out from drugs, our country has sort of owned the spirituality brand,” said Vijay Sashimi, President of the Indian Global Consciencing Centers.  “There was a slight dip after Obama’s election, but again record numbers of Americans are looking to outsource their consciences.”

The Landbreakers by John Ehle


“All that lies about us is foreign to us yet…but here we are, come together, and closer will we come.”

In the early sixties growing up, I spent a good deal of time imagining my little suburban neighborhood three hundred years earlier when only animals and indigenous people populated the land and white men hadn’t begun cutting and clearing and inventing things to improve their lots. Every boy has inside him a time traveler; you look up into the heavens on a starry night and ponder the notions of time, death and infinity. I couldn’t help myself. Until girls and sex appeared on my radar, enchanted by books like Treasure Island, Johnny Tremain and the biography of Daniel Boone, I routinely tried entering the world of my forefathers and mothers.

Of course I idealized the life of settlers. Fictional boys in stories did not have depressive mothers forcing them to play nicely in dark houses with little sisters. And settler boys had real tasks they had to perform that had real consequences — a modicum of schooling yes — but no tedious chores like taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn. It was exciting to think that in another time right here in my own background, a skinny little sheltered kid like me could have helped build a cabin before and protect my family from things like typhoid, TB and bear attacks.

Many lifetimes have passed since then. These days, it’s hard to even have a sense of what life was like back then that isn’t either overly sentimental or overly cynical, laced with the awareness that while some of what settlers did was good and necessary, much of it has lead us into a quagmire with the ever darkening specter of “Game Over” blinking phosphorescent green on the black horizon. In this post-modern era, everything seems to fall into one of two categories: parable or eulogy.

settlers

The Landbreakers, written in 1964 by John Ehle, is the story of a ragtag band of settlers from the generation that settled a particular region in the Appalachian Mountains just after the Revolutionary War. It is not ironic. It does not require adherence to a position about indigenous people or the environment. It is the kind of book you inhabit between sittings with considerable nuance that is implied by dialogue and a deft and distant third person narrator. It is raw and full and full of fine detail and fresh language, even if it is the language of doing, not reflecting, and man’s true nature remains as opaque and violent as nature.

It begins in 1779 with Mooney and Imy Wright, a young Scotch-Irish couple who upon finishing their terms as indentured servants in a household in Philadelphia make their way south with only a a horse, a calf, a gun, an iron pot and a couple suits of clothes looking for land to settle. Because they can afford nothing, they continue west from Virginia to stake a claim to the hills of what is now western North Carolina.

The first thirty-five pages describes their arrival, the cutting of trees and building of a cabin, how they planted food and protected themselves. It draws you in by presenting such practical dilemmas and untouched beauty so as to be alternately fascinated and appalling. Then at the end of the first section, Imy, the wife, succumbs to illness, leaving her husband completely alone in the wild, setting up the central narrative.

The Landbreakers is the story of settlers who join Wright: Tinkler Harrison, a wealthy, middle-aged man, his pale young bride, Belle, his handsome daughter and her two sons, Belle’s father, Ernest Plover and his coterie of daughters, a German couple with their son and a band of ne’er do wells who like to drink and shoot wolves. Against the dark outline of mountains and the beasts that inhabit it, we watch them all pull up on foot with livestock, tools, wagons, and their individual stories.

That I am reading this now is rather ironic, and not just because I’ve recently resettled from Philadelphia to western North Carolina. I am at fifty-two doing the thing I did as a kid. Only this time, instead of just reading and daydreaming, I’m attempting to settle on a parcel of land in the mountains with minimal creature comforts and my wits, such as they are, having been honed from four decades of creature-comfort and high-density city life. Like a little kid looking at grown-ups through a keyhole, I read and annotated sections that described hunting, animal husbandry, tanning, bee-keeping, gathering medicinal herbs, making soap and building without tools. In addition to being a damn good story, The Landbreakers is, for me, like finding the source material for countless articles in Mother Earth News. On a deeper level, beyond my stated goals of heading to the mountains to write and to leave a legacy to my children as the world begins to break down, I am moved to inscribe this sentence, spoken by the narrator over my door: “A person becomes part of what he does…grows into what grows around him, and if he works the land, he comes to be the land, and owner of and slave to it.”

I suppose you could summarize The Landbreakers as a study of human ambition applied to the wild. There are vivid characters who highlight different elements: the petty and acquisitive Tinkler Harrison, Lacey Pollard, Harrison’s son-in-law, who years earlier leaves Lolly, his wife and two children to find opportunity, and the stoic, inarticulate Mooney Wright, a man of action. By the end of the novel, which spans a period of five years, we are reading a contemplation of the meaning of work, place, family and community.

“The family and the clearing and the crops and the stock and the tools were part of the same thing. The family and the place were the same thing and could not be separated from the other. One could not understand the family without knowing about the land and their work on it and plans for it and one could not know the land with any real understanding without knowing this family of people. They were dusty with the land; the grit of the land was in them. Their work, which was done together, was the chief meaning of their family lives…. Work to do—that was the same as saying there was living to do, and planning to do, and birthing to watch over.”

One after another hardship presents itself in the form of bears, wolves, violent storms, bad weather and vile acts. Each is met with a kind of quiet perseverance that is vaguely familiar to us moderns though considerably simpler and quieter.

“In late January a blizzard from the northwest struck the mountain country and Mooney brought the cow and one of the horses into the cabin for the night to keep warm. They stood, thankful statues, huddled together like mates, their heads lowered, looking suspiciously from time to time at the ever-flickering orange fire before which their master squatted and murmured to himself, commenting on the rumble of the wind and the loud shattering sounds, like explosions, of frozen trees bursting on the mountain.”

The novel concludes with an event that is intended to put the settlement on the map, to make something of it that will endure, something that will afford future generations more opportunity than the original settlers found, but alas, like Faulkner’s novels of the south, it is a tragedy, both outward and inward, made even more so by characters who are only vaguely aware of the goings on inside their own minds.

Instead, they are doers who stumble forward or backward in the pursuit of joy and tangible things, pausing only briefly to try to make sense of things. Near the end of his life, a man from whom we have come to expect little besides meanness and aggression says, “A man dreams what he dreams, that’s all, and might be anything at all, for he’s all tied up with lies, anyhow, and worries. My lord, we come out of a narrow opening in a woman and try to get our eyes to see something, not knowing at all what the world is, or our parents are, or we are. And now I’m nigh to old-age death and I don’t know yet what the world is, or I am. I know it’s been a pleasure to be alive for these years, though I don’t know what being alive is. I might very well die in this chair afore I ever stop looking at that river, but I don’t know what death is.”

In plot, pacing, character development, dialogue, narrative voice, setting and arc, this novel is broad, rich and textured. Like the giant bear that appears now and then, it raises itself, ambles around, covering vast distances effortlessly and then lays down. It concludes with Mooney Wright, the original settler, standing in a field. “He clicked his tongue at the horse, took the plow handles firmly in hand, and put his weight on the plow handles and weighted the blade, and the plow moved, the earth turned, the dark earth turned and the smell of the earth came into the air and the row opened to him and yielded to him and was ready.” It stays with you – the iron plow entering the earth — long after you close the cover, the story, the people and the land.

Dave Marsh on Sirius/XM

For the past year, I’ve enjoyed XM (now SiriusXM) satellite radio. One of my presets is The Loft, whose format I like except when Dave Marsh DJs.

marsh

Marsh has been around since the beginning of rock and roll, something he likes to assert as often as possible. Worse though, every interview he seems to view as a chance to name drop and talk about himself (it’s tortured fun once in a while to listen to his guest try to get a word in edgewise), every musical segue is a chance to promote his tiresome writing.

What’s really pathetic is that just a few notches down the radio dial from the bloviating, self-aggrandizing Marsh is a humbler, infinitely more knowledgable and talented fellow DJ, Bob Dylan, for whom it really is all about the music.

Dylan

Transition Towns & Future Search

In the late 1980s, Marv Weisbord, a pioneer in the field of organizational development began to develop from group psychology theories and his experience in business a process or technology for bringing disparate, often contentious groups together to act in coordination toward loftier, often previously obscured objectives. Marv and his business partner, Sandra Janoff, developed and defined this technique, which they called Future Search.

I met Marv and Sandra in the early 1990s and contracted with them to bring Future Search to my family’s ailing manufacturing company. By then, Future Search had been used by communities, utilities, companies and government agencies and I was eager to hold a 3-day conference with owners, employees, customers, suppliers and industry experts associated with my company.

We made plans, sent out invitations, and set up the conference in accordance with Future Search methodology; however, as with many of our most serious (though perhaps not urgently felt) problems today, there was no deep-level agreement about the nature or extent of the problems and the conference, though interesting, powerful and even transformative for many of us, and the company ultimately failed. Yet over the past twenty years, Future Searches have been sponsored and conducted by many big, worthy and noble government and non-profit scenarios all over the world, having a great deal of success addressing many problems.

In 2005, Rob Hopkins, a British teacher, effectively described the biggest problems facing humanity today — global climate change, resource constraints and the fragility of virtually all the systems we rely on — and devised a process or methodology for communities and towns to face these problems without having people fall into fear, despair and paralysis. Central to transition culture theory is the attitude embodied in the phrase thrivalism: that while our survival is threatened, we still have a chance and that there’s hope for the future if we plan and provide for it. Over the past few years, several hundred cities and towns have embraced the Transition movement with perhaps the beginnings of varying degrees of success.

To keep things in perspective, what lies ahead for our civilization will not be materially altered by a superb planning process administered by skilled practitioners. What’s been set in motion has been running for a long time and the transition, as it’s euphemistically being called, necessarily involves a diminution in the quality of life, or perhaps life itself for thousands, perhaps millions of people. Still, wouldn’t it be grand if trained Future Search facilitators, many of whom are brilliant and deeply conscious people, helped the canaries in the coal mine who’ve declared themselves Transition towns.

Shoot

pawn shop

In certain spots in the South, guns are ubiquitous and since we bought our land, I’ve been advised many times to go get one. This advice appealed to me. For one thing, I’ve been told that the Sheriff out our way is at least forty-five minutes away and doesn’t make house calls unless a violent crime has already been committed. For another thing, I like rifles. Years ago, while my hormonally amped up bunkmates were sweating and panting on the soccer and lacrosse fields, I was lying on a mildewed mat squinting down the barrel of a twenty-two. I liked the relative quiet of the range, the fact that to be a marksman, I didn’t have to rely on anyone else and fantasies of being a sniper assigned to save the President from guys like Lee Harvey Oswald.

At noon today, I turned into the parking lot of Leicester Pawn shop, which was jam-packed.

The left side of the store is appliances, the right side, outdoor equipment. Dead ahead, a collection of over 500 weapons from antique pistols to black semi-automatic weapons. Standing in front of the cases are a half dozen guys with very serious expressions. Behind the counter, two or three clerks, mid to upper fifties, each talking quietly to a customer, oblivious to the crowd.

I’m aware that I don’t know what I’m doing there: whether I’m really interested in a weapon and if so, for protection, for hunting or because people have told me it’s pretty much unthinkable to live where my cabin is without one. I feel intimidated and annoyed, unable to form even in my mind a series of questions that wouldn’t betray to the clerk and the growing audience, my yankee accent, my complete lack of familiarity with weapons and hunting and my skittishness over the NRA. I’m glad to be wearing my auto mechanic shirt with the name Bart sewn in. At least I’m incognito.

The man who finally agreed to help me was named Dave. I told him I was a beginner, that I was once a good shot but my eyesight isn’t so good. I say I’m interested in target shooting and perhaps a good starter gun would be a 30.06, which my son’s father-in-law explained was a good inexpensive beginner model. He smiled and said, Bart, if you asked ten hunters, what a good weapon for someone hunting deer is you’d get five different opinions. Then as a way to pay attention to his other customers without blowing me off, he engaged several other shoppers in my dilemma, soliciting their advice on beginner’s weapons scopes, synthetic versus wood and the ease of availability and cost of ammo.

At one point, when a little guy with a scruffy beard and an NRA cap asked to see a Browning, Dave called over the owner of the pawn shop to help him. As she took the rifle off the rack, she said “the only thing Obama’s done for us so far is increase gun sales.” I think of correcting her. “No Ma’am. That’s Rush Limbaugh and your idiot customers creating and then reacting to the rumor that Obama’s going to somehow overturn the Second Amendment and outlaw weapons.

Dave thanked Bart again for shopping and I walked out with a little slip of paper with the names of two $400 dollar rifles — a 270 and a 30.30, rifles that perhaps someday I would buy though not from a place like this. Actually, I’ll wait till somebody cool shows up and invite me to go consciously hunting, maybe up on my land, taking only a life that we’re going to eat without dissing Obama. Maybe we’ll go shopping for rifles at a head shop.

advice & aphorisma

- Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

- Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

- A closed mouth gathers no foot.

- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Goodbye to W.

In my fifty or so years, I’ve watched nine men occupy the highest office in the land — most of them intelligent, almost all of them patriots, some good leaders, most flawed, victims of their own peculiar upbringings or insecurities, but none were as stupid, impetuous and arrogant as this last one, George W. Bush, who finally said goodbye to this nation, which he pretty handily wrecked over eight agonizing years.

True to form his final statement and claim — to have kept this country safe — is every bit as nonsensical as his taking us to war in Iraq, ignoring mountains of evidence that our planet is warming, marching us towards fascism and advancing partisanship and incompetence to the point where it seems the vast majority of government positions are occupied by incompetent boobs and the business and financial worlds, who had no better champion, went insane with self-delusion.

To tell us that despite it all, he kept us safe, George W. Bush is attempting to turn perhaps his most famous mistake — ignoring specific advice he received less than one month prior to 9-11 that Osama bin Laden intended to attack the U.S. using airplanes — and to ask us to believe that he was in no better position to tighten up airport security in August and early September of 2001, than any other citizen, which of course is patently false.

I have no parting thoughts or wishes for this man other than the same one I’ve prayed for since he appeared as an embarrassment to our nation — that he simply go away someplace so we never have to hear his faux drawl or see his pinched face again. It’s ridiculous and meaningless of course for him to try to “manage” his legacy. As he is fond of saying, history will be the judge. Unfortunately, we’ll all be paying the price.

W